My son and I have had a wonderful expression of love since he was old enough to talk. He would say, "I love you." I would go further saying, "I have loved you longer." Then he would finish by saying, "but, I love you more." I have explored this final statement over the month of February. I allowed both my heart and mind to consider the answer.
One of the observations that I made was that, to like a person and to love a person are two very different perspectives that come from different places. I believe that to love someone is to hold them within your heart, while to like someone is a decision you make with your brain. Unfortunately, so many of us can not separate the two, because they both present themselves simultaneously for people we like and love or they can be separated should a person fall into only the "like" or "love"category.
Most people can identify with a love/hate relationship with at least one member of their family. I have many love/hate relationships, that are explosive and ultimately toxic for my well being. It is the love/hate not the love/like relationships that cause the most confusion. Most people have heard the old saying, "I love you but, I don't like what you have done." Relationships can seem complicated, until you understand what motivates the emotion you feel, then it becomes so easy. Love in it's purest form is so simple; Love. When love is polluted, when love hurts, there are other forces at work that seriously need to be remedied.
Most people expect the brain to grow in knowledge, I believe we slight the heart's ability to expand and grow. Yes, I'm being serious! When you learn and expand your brain with knowledge, it does not expand outside the cranium, yet we still see it as growing. This wisdom or knowledge is not metaphorical, it is real. When you love another person your heart has the ability to grow. Love has the ability to expand the heart just as knowledge expands your brain.
How could I know this for certain and argue my point without reservation? As a child, I loved from a child's perspective as I grew, my heart did not stay small it grew to love more people within different relationships. The easiest way to explain it is that my children are compelled to compete for the title of "most beloved" or "mommy's favorite". But from my perspective, I understand their fear and need to be loved, because as child I battled my sisters for the same affectionate status. It is not until you hold your own child and the love you feel overwhelms your heart that you can understand a parent's perspective. What I want my children to understand is that I had that overwhelming moment with each of them, to the same degree, EQUALLY. God planted them, the love I have for them within my heart. My heart grew to hold the love I have for them. Each one has that special place, reserved only for them. My heart has the ability to expand exponentially to hold much love for many people within it, and still it is not a crowded place. It does not run out of memory or space.
Having a terminal illness is like being wrongly accused of a crime and given a death sentence. While on appeal to a higher court; going though treatment. I'm trying to get over the grief for the time I will not have with my children and all the big moments that moms and dads are supposed to witness. I grieve in these moments now for the loss they will feel when I pass, for each time I was to bear witness to their remarkable lives. Because, I know what it is like to search the crowd looking for that connection, the loved one in the audience, whose presence says: "you matter, this moment this is important, I'm proud of you, well done". I take great solace in knowing that I loved you in loves purest form. Even with a thousand lifetimes I could not have loved you more. This is when the heart is equal to the brain - Love like knowledge is passed from one generation to the next. One day my children will forget what color my eyes where; they will close their eyes and search for a memory and find it is not there. This is when an individual's heart supersedes the capacity of their brain - as long as they hold on to the love I planted in their hearts I will be more than a memory; I will be a legacy. The love will always be with them and I will be there for every single, momentous occasion of their lives. The resounding answer to this question is that, "I could never love you more, I could not have loved you longer because, I will love you forever."
No comments:
Post a Comment