Small Fish Big Lesson

"Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it," an old saying that I believe is as true for our Personal History, as it is for our World's History. As individuals our Family History is the foundation of how we study and perceive our world. Let me explain. My mother did not know her birth-father. She was raised by a very loving Uncle, in a good family. However, she grew up with a huge hole within herself that shaped, who she would become and her perception of family. She unconsciously passed this value system onto me. I grew up not knowing my father's name or anything about him, nor their relationship. My step-father warped my definition of fatherhood; a man who abuses his family in every possible way. My family history taught me that being a single parent was preferable to marriage, because we wouldn't be victimized at home. It normalized having a child out of marriage. Coming from a family of 5 girls, I thought that a boy would need a father to teach him to be a man. So, I placed great men around my son to love and mentor him from an early age. I would not have done this if my firstborn had been a girl. The odds that I would have raised her to be a self-sufficient "man-hater" is a good bet.

I vowed to be nothing like my mother and yet I made so many of the same mistakes. It was not until my daughter was born, that I realized how important a father was to a child's development. My mother grew up with a part of herself missing, therefore she could not teach me what she did not know. I never considered that the decisions I made were based on the unconscious loss of my father. I was not taught that fathers are important. I never considered that sons marry women like their mothers and daughters marry men like their fathers. As an adult, I have met excellent examples of wonderful fathers that have impacted how important I believe fatherhood is to children. I know how much pain is caused by not having a whole since of identity. I'm sorry that I have continued to pass this negative Family History onto my son.

I pray that by learning this lesson, I have change my families legacy. God knows us; past, present, and future. The Israelites did not wonder in the desert for 40 years because Moses did not have a GPS (global positioning system). They wondered in the desert because God wanted them to learn the lessons of Love, Faith and Obedience. It took 4 generations of test, hot desert summer schools, and test after test after test for enough people to graduate from the school in the desert and move onward into the Promised Land. Even after they took the Promised Land, God knew that they would fail to retain what they learned in the desert. He knew that many future generations would need to repeat the same lessons many times before they would acquire the wisdom needed to fulfill their purpose as a nation. A son is not punished for his father's sins, but the son does inherit the father's consequences. Each generation will suffer for their father's and grandfather's choices. God waited until not only the fathers who refused to learn their lessons had died, but 3 more generations of Israelite children had died so that those who entered the Promise Land would not carry the legacy of idol worship and disobedience with them.

I am positive that the God is always testing us. He designed us to learn and grow in wisdom. Each one of us is here for a purpose. We must learn lesson 101 before we can move on to next level, that will ultimately prepare us for our future purpose. God's classroom mirrors every other school's classroom; if you do not learn the lesson you can not pass the test, consequently you will have to take the class again. I've heard the Genesis story of Abraham and Issac many times. Recently, I attended a Beth Moore Bible Study and discovered something new and amazing about God and how he tested Abraham's faith. In Genesis chapter 2 verse 1, God called to Abraham by NAME. When God gives us a test he writes our name on it. Until you pass the test, God will keep teaching you the same lesson. The lesson is specific to each individual, you can't cheat or refuse to take your test. You can't drop out, your always learning, you either graduate or die: "don't pass go, don't collect 200 dollars," but keep rolling the dice an moving toward the destiny of your choice.

A profound learning moment became real to me upon the death of a family pet. Over the years my daughter has had a few small pets; rabbits, hermit crabs and fish most of them are buried in our yard. When the last of the hermit crabs died a few months ago, she was devastated by the loss. Sadly, her fish died while she was visiting her grandparents. I decided to replace this very special fish without her knowing and pretend it had never happened. Why would I do this, lie to my child? Fear, my own fear of what God wanted her to learn. Why would she have to lose another beloved pet? What was the purpose of her continually having to grieve? The answer scared me as I prayed, "it is not my time Lord, stop preparing her to grieve my death, IT IS NOT MY TIME" please, God. What I have learned about the bad things that have happened to me, is that God is preparing me for my purpose. God teaches his students at their own pace. Some of us may finish college in the same amount of time it takes another to graduate from preschool. We each have to learn the curriculum then move to the next level of learning. At least, that has been my experience, each disaster, prepared me for the next test both physically and mentally.

Two weeks later the look-a-like fish died as Mikayla helplessly watched, I had not saved her from the pain. Instead, of just hearing about how he died, once again she felt that it was her fault, this scenario was even more painful. I tried to play god. I tried to take the test for my child. I tried to cheat. Ultimately, Mikayla still had to take her own test because it had her name on it, not mine. In God's classroom as in any school; parents can't take their child's test for them, its absurd to think any teacher would allow a parent to do this. But before you think I was silly to try it, how many of you have "helped" do your child's science fair project and allowed the teacher to grade your work. I think it is safe to say that many well intentioned parents want to protect their children, even from a failed test. I have learned my lesson, my children will take their own test, my interference does not protect them from failure it shields them from learning. My job as Mom is not to shelter them from their pain but, to console them and wipe away their tears. These fish did not die in vain, their purpose was to teach me to just be Mom and let God be God.

When bad things happen, we often ask ourselves, why would a God of love allow his children to suffer. God assumes many roles: parent, teacher, husband within our spiritual lives. Just as I assume different roles as mother, daughter, wife within the lives of my family. When God needs to assume the role of teacher he still loves you as a father. I would be a bad parent if I did not teach my children lessons that might even be painful. As their mother, I can't let my love shield them from the hard lessons they must learn, if they are to be successful adults. When bad things happen, it is hard to find purpose in devastation. This small incident, the death of a child's pet fish, on the surface is not important. The significance of this ordinary fish was that it served a purpose for my child. The lesson that God was teaching her was specific to her, the Test had only her Name on it. The lesson that I learned from this small fish was very different, My Test had My Name on it. The lesson you will learn from this fish story will impact your life in a way that only God can direct, Your Test will have Your name on it. God can use a small fish or a large earth quake to teach many unique lessons to different people. It is easy to think that God is mean and uncaring when terrible things happen. The tragedy would be if no one learned anything good from the devastation, causing the lesson to be repeated for another generation.